"Mommy Play with Me"

This fall has been quite momentous for Isaac. He went from being the youngest to the middle child, started a new preschool, and had his big brother start school every day! This summer the boys learned to be each other's best playmate. And now Isaac spends most of the day without Alexander. It has definitely been an adjustment for everyone!

One of the biggest things I have struggled with since having Samuel is playing with Isaac. Unlike our firstborn, Isaac loves having a playmate and does little independent play. When I'm feeding Samuel, or changing him or putting him to sleep, I constantly hear Isaac: "what should we play?" "cmon mommy, play with me" or, if i try to play while feeding Sammy, "no mommy, play with me. dont hold samuel." I am realizing why middle children get described as "forgotten, "neglected" or "left out". As much as I want to play with Isaac, I can't really change the fact that Samuel has more physically pressing needs (being fed, put to sleep etc) that trump playing lego or playdoh. I do honestly feel bad for him when I have to say, "no, honey mommy can't play" or "let me just X and then I will." I know some parents who play with their kids ALL the time and I know some who barely play with them. I think it depends both on your parenting style and the child. Isaac is a child who likes having company to play and laugh with. He also has had very little time practicing playing alone because Alexander has always been around to guide him in his play. When Alexander comes home, like a true introvert, he wants to be left alone in his room to color by himself. Poor Isaac just wants someone to play with him! In the first few weeks of school, the late afternoons and evenings were horrendous because Isaac would do everything to bother Alexander (because he just wanted a playmate). I do believe independent play is a great skill for children to have, and that it does come more naturally for some. Since realizing my struggle, I am trying to both teach Isaac some ways to play independently as well as give him good opportunities to practice it. For example, I have made him some "busy boxes" to do - a cutting/pasting kit, a stamping kit, a stickers kit etc - at first I was working with him side-by-side on these, but now he is more willing to do them on his own. I also sometimes set the timer on our designated "play time", so he knows when mommy can play and when I can't. (This helps us both, really! It minimizes the nagging and also makes me focus my energy on Isaac for that time period).

It is a slow process, for me and Isaac to figure out our daily schedule with Samuel, and for Alexander and Isaac how to "be" with each other at the end of the day. It has slowly gotten better over the past few weeks. We have had a handful of semi-pleasant evenings with the boys (read: not wrestling and screaming the second Alexander arrives home) the past few weeks.

Like I said, it has been a transition for us ALL and we are all slowly getting used to the changes. Every sun that sets is a good reminder that, hey, we did it! We made it through the day. It certainly is something to celebrate!